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Back @ Blogspot! [03 Nov 2007|02:14pm]
[ mood | high ]

Hello you bozos still reading this. I'm already at xbellascritto at BLOGSPOT!

Days of halcyon have returned by me. Livejournals are for emo rants!

Much love to one and all! (: 

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[24 Oct 2007|06:14pm]
[ mood | enraged ]


No, I haven't moved. Not just yet.
I'm merely holding two blogs at the moment.
'Why?' you muttered under your breath.

Ask me and I'll tell you lor.


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♥ ♥ ♥ TO BAYBEE<3 [23 Oct 2007|05:17pm]
[ mood | loved ]

There is beauty in the way we have gently settled amongst the dust; now, everything is silent, everything is still. I delight in the warmth of quiet, and in how our hearts remain entwined like vines circling onto white picket fences, clenching tighter every sunrise as though one day, the fear of being detangled and cut from the root will surface. We have lingered in a sieve, sitting from time to time, working the kinks out, until we lay smooth and delicate. Heartache might have once stole my hope, but it didn't steal my fate. The heart is a cavity and in the deepest corner, I knew, that there was salvage when you walked through that door, eyes sparkling and heart ajar. And tonight, countless days from the start, you said, "I am falling in love with you all over again."

My soul stirred. And then I knew, home was not when you knelt down and said you loved me, nor was it when you hugged me to sleep in the silence of the night and said you'd never let go. Home is right here, right now - just you and me, hearts the same, throwing ourselves recklessly in the security of our love.



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Do you blog because you have something to say [21 Oct 2007|03:20pm]
[ mood | calm ]

or because you want to say something?

It's just like talking.

You're with 2 friends, both of whom are in a fervent discussion about something you have absolutely no clue about. The words cease to roll out from their mouths and the longer you stand around silent, the more awkward it gets for you.

So you say something like "Oh really?", "You can't be serious" or "I see" to briefly fool yourself (and hopefully your peers) into believing that you actually vaguely understand or are interested in whatever it is they're saying.

You do this just to luminate your presence, to allay your fears of your existence slipping away, unnoticed.

Then there are those other times when you speak to yourself, in an attempt to fill the missing gaps. 
Gaps of solitude maybe, the dispiriting silences you find yourself greeting - so very often - nightly.

So you say something. Talk, sing, write, blog.

Because sometimes, random muses like this one help. They help keep the ringing stillness at bay.

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Hello, world! [20 Oct 2007|02:51pm]
[ mood | content ]

Contrary to popular belief, I am still alive!

Too much have happened lately in a considerable short span of time, and so in their relentless fighting for my attention to be accounted for immediately in this blog, I have decided to play the fair card and talk about none at all. :) 

Okay fine, so that was a poor excuse for just being plain lazy.

Anyway, good luck to friends taking their monster O'levels. Press on for the next 16 days or 17 for that matters; quote "It's gonna be a tough battle that will pass soon enough"! (:

Updates soon, really.

I'll give it all, I'll give for us. I'll give anything but I won't give up. Cos you know, I love you? And I've loved you all along

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[17 Oct 2007|11:59am]
[ mood | nostalgic ]

It's too late to apologize
More about it under the cut.

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[16 Oct 2007|11:49am]
[ mood | crushed ]

The Beautiful Ending 

I told myself I won't miss you, but I remember what it feels like beside you

4 comments|post comment

[08 Oct 2007|05:24pm]
[ mood | lonely ]


Some things can never be completely erased from your memory.

Sure, the contents may turn hazy and become indistinct over time, but they will never truly go away. Instead of being gradually forgotten and eventually obliterated (with all intention) from your mind, they lie dormant in the most secret recesses, sometimes creeping into the quietest, darkest nooks of your heart, where they wait in silence for (even if just a flicker of) a reason to be called back. When that happens, they awaken with renewed vigor, rushing out freely from where they have long lied stagnant.

Unrestrained, they break free from the shackles they were once feebly bound to and abandon their relusive past as they force their way through the mass of newer but frailer memories stalling their progress; they ride on your burgeoning fear as they surge their way into the front of your mind, and you do nothing but helplessly await its inevitable, impending arrival.

Sometimes you don't purposefully tunnel into the past to rake up the memories; you don't just voluntarily decide one day to lone a painful walk down memory lane.

Sometimes an invisible, forceful hand just grabs you from behind; it lifts and releases you onto the deserted path of yellowed but prevailing recollections of the past where you are left alone to fend for yourself and to slowly find your way out.

And sometimes, just sometimes, you take longer than necessary to find the exit, because as painful as it is to relive the memory, you know that something somewhere, is telling you that you don't really want to leave it.

Don't ask me why
I can't find my way
I just can't explain
Please understand, I pray
Don't say goodbye, you know I can cry
This feeling inside..

Baby would you hold me close.. tonight?

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[07 Oct 2007|04:42pm]
[ mood | melancholy ]

How is it that I could be bursting with optimism one moment, and flushed out with despondency the next?
I would like to say this is uncharacteristic, and that what I'm experiencing of late is just my way of responding to present and differing situations.

But then this would bring me to the question of how well I know myself, and frankly speaking? Not much.
A scary thought indeed - something some may even find worth losing sleep over. A seed of thought you one day find mysteriously planted in the back of your mind, gradually feeding and growing on the time you spend thinking about it. But as I found out, brooding doesn't always necessarily give answers, so I'm now drawn to taking things a step at a time, occasionally backtracking a little, and indulging in the passing of cliched statements like "only time will tell" (if even just attempt assuring my constantly questioning self) whenever I find myself locked in a loose train of meandering, unanswered thoughts.

Convenient isn't it, how certain intangible things are. Can't decide on something? Time will. Can't find an opportunity? Leave it to chance. Landed up in a sticky situation? Oh, this must be fate.

Matters of belief or hope? I don't know. Could possibly even be faith, but.. let's not get there.

I'm shinning high above, and clearing hung up over you. I see you again tonight.. but do I? Do I see you see me?

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[06 Oct 2007|01:36pm]
[ mood | full ]

Edited; 08/10/07, 3.16PM

To begin with..


Even though last night's pre birthday celebration for the birthday girl was nothing really special, we certainly hope she had an enjoyable & memorable night. 
Birthday girl, you're gonna have a blast with your bunch of rocking friends today, it's gonna be a big group which would most prolly flood the whole city, so please enjoy this very special day God chose for you hon. <3
You're a 16 no more! :) & M18's waiting for you! In exactly a year from now that is babe. 
I love you, and you know it best darling. Hugs*

And because the celebration was held at Fish & Co, together with the staffs, we made her... ...

Yeah right, to stand on her chair infront of the entire crowd was what she was expected to do. 
But you know, being the usual lucky her, she wasn't made to stand ALONE cos she aint the only birthday girl (though her birthday's the next day to be exact); apparently there were 5 birthday girls/boys (including herself) that very day which made life less awkward for her though we still had her face buring red after the end of the celebration. :D

And just when you thought that alone was pretty much embarrassing enough.. You simply haven't seen worse..

We present you "Blow Your Own Birthday Cake!" From where you are, that is. :)

When the blowing gets tougher, the tougher gets blowing. (:

Already panting as you can see..

Never mind, shan't give up! Second attempt!!

One more candle & you're done baby! :)

But of course my PX managed to get over the dreadful predicament she was in at the later part of the celebration by blowing off all the candles! 
And considering the pretty vast distance between her cake and where she was standing, anyone could tell it ain't no easy feat okay. :) So awesomely great is my girlfriend. :) 

Catch ups & gossip only!

& someone whom I miss for sucha long time baby. Lim Jiafeng she is. :)
Honey, hurry get over and done with Olevels (go kick some asses!) before all the good times like the good old days commence for us okay darling? 
I miss having you at my back with your laughters ringing like silver bells baby. Love you big times. <3

Picture inperfect, without Chinlay.

& now, this is what I call Picture couldn't have been more perfect.
If only Belinda's in, it would have been perfect-er. )= But ohwells, she always have her own cooked up stories for not joining us, doesn't she?

Anyway anyway..

We had joy, we had fun, we had Yiwen crying for us. Lol! 
With the right company, I swear that night was friggin hilarious! Don't ask me why is she always the subject of our neverending jokes, pranks & laughters because believe me when I say I've tried searching for all the possible conclusions that led me to the question asked earlier, BUT to no avail. Lol. 

You know how under normal circumstances, it is only right for us to play pranks on the birthday girl to whom was PX that night, but it hadn't even occured to us to plant pranks on her. 
No one in their right mind would not love disturbing Yiwen the great, there again we made her the subject of the night's jokes by hiding her cellphone which was pretty much nothing new, made her frantically looking all over for her 'missing' phone, teared, had her suspect one of us, which gotta be either Jiafeng or ME, (it's always the case, something missing = gotta be in Yanwen's bag) for taking it without her knowledge, adjusting her contact lenses simply because she cried too much, camwhoring session without her in the picture as you can see below. Lol.

It is very bad/evil/callous/uncanny/ (throw me more words) of us! So much for us being her best friend leh! 
Camwhoring happily while there she was over at the other corner, weeping amidst trying her best to locate her contact lenses for like 20 minutes or so I guess. 
Yiwen's our ever so forgiving & prankable best friend forever, so it's alright it's okay. :)
Together with all the good old memories we had, last night's gonna be cherished even twenty, thirty years down the memory lane babies. I love each and every single soul of yaul. <3

& Come to think of it, it's really funny how the birthday girl who has every right to cry (cos we touched her heart, did we not?) on that very night didn't, and the ones who were there solely for the purpose of the celebration were the ones who cried that night.
Personal reason that was, but darling, I hope things are getting much in hand for you & Josh now, I mean it ought to after so long yes? I'm glad after all these while, I'm still the one you seek solace to whenever rough and tough times are going your way. But press on hon, like what I told you. & try listening to your heart. You know I'm always here, to be your pillar of strength if I'm needed. Love you tons tons Ng Chinlay. Never had I stopped loving you a single bit. <3


The sun and the breeze was kind today. And the morning dew, felt just like you baby.

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[01 Oct 2007|11:06am]
[ mood | cheerful ]

And so...


Right, her teeth are no longer imprisoned by the quashingness of braces in which her mouth has been completely de-metaled, unlike mine. ): 
She now flash clear, unobstructed white enamels, which, no doubt, has upped her sexy factor! 
I guess there's no need to tell one how good it feels to be rid of the menace, & yes babies, half a year more to go before it's my turn!

My dental appointment was right after her removal-of-braces ceremony which took alot shorter than I expected though. 
I was told to wait for a good forty five minutes to an hour before it was my turn, but in no less than 30 minutes was she done. 
I somehow imagined the much anticipated moment to arrive with much fanfare, but it was pretty ordinary. Dr Ang merely popped them off like he was flicking coagulated candy off her teeth! 
How anti climax. I expected more tugging, pushing, grunting, and more action in general (which would prolly have my sister killed due to the almost impossible pain) ! 
He then slid off two wiry metal chunks which looked positively adorable! They looked like cyborg slugs!

Afterwhich, he helped her clean off the resin residue using a high pressure water spray, which left her mouth swimming with an unattractive mixture of highly alarmed saliva and water from dodgy origins
And so, Dr Ang was, drilling and sawing at her teeth, presumably, till her gums felt itchy from all the vibration; taking, an unhealthy amount of pleasure at watching her wince in agony.. Lol.
All the while helping her wipe her face tenderly as another arc of water hit her nostril or cheek. 
By the time he was done with his sculpture, her saliva had obtained the consistency of cement, for some odd reason, and refused to depart her mouth after being ejected with a gurgle.

What remained however, was a long thread of saliva that obstinately refused to budge, bridging the sink and her mouth. 
Interference had no bearing on it, it merely branched off and formed greater, stickier webs, much to Dr Ang's amusement.
And as she was wrestling her saliva monster, the dentist presented her with the soft mold that would imprint the shape of her teeth to make retainers. 
Hastily ptui-ing all the cement out of her mouth, she was coaxed into letting the mold into the vicinity of her teeth.

Even though I was merely witnessing the entire process, feeling lucky enough not having to experience it, not just yet, already felt so much like vomiting! 
The thought of me positioning in Yanru's situation in exactly half a year or so from now, going through the entire abhorrent process which I had witnessed earlier on, isn't at all appealing. 
If anything, the mole made the consistency of my sister's saliva even thicker. 
It was vile, and distinctly embarassing I could sense. But then I thought, Hey! We pay the guy and surely part of the service is not to look at her/me in the future in a disgusted manner! 
And anyway, I reassured myself, no one looks glam at the dentist's.

So much for talking! Let pictures show you the before & after removal of braces, though it's not that much of a difference, (Ah ma & Aunty Dyon were having some casual chat with Yanru and throughout the entire conversation not having realised the removal of her braces! Apparently, the difference of braces and braceless isn't that erm.. vast?



The aftermath of braces = Nice & beautiful set of teeth. But behind the nice & perfect set of teeth are the process gone through, time involved, and tons of money squandered. 
Did I mention it's pretty much a far cry if anyone were to compare her teeth then, and her teeth now? 

Now that she's braces-free, she cried, for it now means she has to undergo a new obstacle - retainers! (which I have to, too, in time to come.) 


It finally dawned on me that I need a trim badly. 
Maybe it's about time, & eyebrow was what I mean.

You are the one, the one who lies close to me baby ♥

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[29 Sep 2007|10:30am]
[ mood | giggly ]

Push on, move on, and we are all but subjects in a roll of film.

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[28 Sep 2007|04:09pm]
[ mood | awake ]

Mid Autumn Celebration
 @ HWS last saturday. Roof Garden afterwhich! :D

Pre Guzheng performance. Necessary preparations with make up & hair done by YoursTruly! (:


Later on.. came the performance. Tension palpable!

& in the midst of it..

Over & done. Excited & happy only!
I gasped in awe watching her performance and boy was it truly impressively remarkable. (: 
After that very night, my point of her having a flair for Guzheng stands strong. 
Anyway anyway, I shall have the video of the performance uploaded very soon to prove the point of seeing is believing. Hah.

  • Left HWS
  • Pangseh-ed Martin and guys cos Pool was all they ever wanted
  • Makan-ed @ one of the Hawker Centre



 Over at Roof Garden, it's lattern time. :D (Very limited peektures though)

This entry is kinda pointless, I know. Decent post(s) to come your way, I promise. 
Till then! <3

You're like the sun, chasing all the rain away
When you come around, you bring brighter days

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[27 Sep 2007|02:37pm]
[ mood | pleased ]

Love me for a reason
Let the reason be love

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[26 Sep 2007|10:50am]
[ mood | determined ]

Every step I take, you will lead me
With you I'll walk the raging seas
You're the strength when I am weary
You give me strength to believe

Read deeper into line, baby for 'I love you' had long been an understatement.

& after all that had happened last night, I don't know which is more appropriate; to thank you more or to apologise to you (?) for eating this humble pie I have to offer you. 
Maybe I should thank you for being the usual understanding you, and perhaps I guess I owe you more of the latter at the same time.

And perhaps we would have them understand someday, somehow, but till then, both you & I know it's going to be hard on you baby. It's never a smooth journey along the way and nobody ever said it was easy, not for us neither it is for any couples.
Watching you giving up would be the last thing I ever wanna see & I know you won't let me down will you? 
So, just like the cliched saying that goes, the going gets tough; the tough gets going. 
We shall stand by what is right, to persist no matter how arduous the journey gets that is okay baby? I love you hon and if you're wondering how much, I need you to count the sand on the beach.. for a start. <3

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[25 Sep 2007|03:50pm]
[ mood | restless ]

Try as hard as I might, these words aren't coming out the way they should. 
Funny how the best strings of words can form in my mind at the most random of times, yet only fragments remain when I need them the most.

Just as I was settling into a rather confortable routine, I found myself double thinking everything. The cynical thoughts don't ever really go away, you know. 
Words of promise, all the hopes and expectations..
No one really lives up to them. Why bother in the first place, when deep down you know you'll disappoint? We say all these empty words to ease the uncertainty of the moment, knowing very well that it'll hurt more in time to come, when realisation that the words were truly just meaningless sets in.

All this could come off as being a tad too pessimistic, but I call it being realistic. 
I don't even think there's a fine line that separates realism and pessimism; to me, there's a grey area between the two so you can't ever be certain of which you are anyway. 
But don't bother, I won't be keeping this cynicism up for long; I just had a moment of weakness earlier today.  

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[24 Sep 2007|10:48pm]
[ mood | peaceful ]

I live and I grow in ambiguity and doubt. Now, I just want to scratch and vomit it out of me.
I'm not dwelling in the desperation for security or the possibilities life can provide me, I'm just silent; silence was comforting as food to starvation and water to thirst and warmth to cold. 
Here, in silence, I receive more answers than any conversation or telepathy could ever assure me with. 
I am contented with these quiet reciprocation from thoughts. I am not lost or found or stuck in the middle of the universe, I am just silent. 

Tonight, and nights ahead of this one, let me keep my tranquil and grow in silence instead. I do not speak or act on not speaking, I will not utter a sound or tighten my blanket of insecurities with anything said, I will simply, still myself and perhaps someday someone might understand this silence and speak to it. No words, no contact, just stability of the nothingness heard.

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(: [23 Sep 2007|05:46pm]
[ mood | content ]

Excuse me but can I be you for a while
My dog won't bite if you sit real still
I got the anti-Christ in the kitchen yellin' at me again
Yeah I can hear that
Been saved again by the garbage truck
I got something to say you know
But nothing comes
Yes I know what you think of me
You never shut-up
Yeah I can hear that

But what if I'm a mermaid
In these jeans of his
With her name still on it
Hey but I don't care
Cause sometimes
I said sometimes
I hear my voice
And it's been here
Silent All These Years

So you found a girl
Who thinks really deep thougts
What's so amazing about really deep thoughts
Boy you best praya that I bleed real soon
How's that thought for you
My scream got lost in a paper cup
You think there's a heaven
Where some screams have gone
I got 25 bucks and a cracker
Do you think it's enough
To get us there

Cause what if I'm a mermaid
In these jeans of his
With her name still on it
Hey but I don't care
Cause sometimes
I said sometimes
I hear my voice
And it's been here
Silent All These...

Years go by
Will I still be waiting
For somebody else to understand
Years go by
If I'm stripped of my beauty
And the orange clouds
Raining in head
Years go by
Will I choke on my tears
Till finally there is nothing left
One more casualty
You know we're too easy

Well I love the way we communicate
Your eyes focus on my funny lip shape
Let's hear what you think of me now
But baby don't look up
The sky is falling
Your mother shows up in a nasty dress
It's your turn now to stand where I stand
Everybody lookin' at you here
Take hold of my hand
Yeah I can hear them

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[19 Sep 2007|03:49pm]
[ mood | nauseated ]

You tried so hard to be someone
That you forgot who you are
You tried to fill some emptiness
Till all you had spilt over
Now everything's so far away
That you don't know where you are

This is one of the times that thoughts and emotions can't be translated into words. 
I can't tell the difference between being strong and being weak anymore. And who knows what's the right or wrong way to handle things? 
Stay true to yourself, it's not possible in this case. Time, pass quick.

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[18 Sep 2007|04:00pm]
[ mood | blah ]

Just another picture post I'm leaving you with in an attempt to do my weekends some justice.

Don't you just think she holds certain resemblance to Fiona Xie? Or maybe at least, in this picture, doesn't she?

That night, I swear I love the two of them more than my heart can ever handle. (:

Yesterday, we.....

  • Hit suntec & later on got tired of it
  • Bugis was next
  • Contemplated to head onto Causeway point which would have taken us 1 hour plus a bus journey, but later on a change of mind
  • Bus-ed to Central instead
  • & being the usual us, we later found ourselves tired of Central too
  • Explored The Riverside point
  • Made our virgin trip to Liang court. Yes, I mentioned Our.
  • Boring was that place. It's of no wonder why MC2 collapsed there, remarked Baby. Grin*
  • Nonetheless, the Japanese supermarket rock my ballet socks please. (: Check that out people (which I'm pretty certain it's nothing new to you people)
  • Was practically laughing my day away with my constant around me. The one whom never fails to make me smile. Never. :)
  • & it was back to Central. Had Long John Silver for dinner.
  • Camwhoring session was what lines up next

Spectacular view has Clark Quay. Pictures for now honey. (: 

Funny how it is Mid Autumn that's inching but the lightings & decorations make it seem more like Lunar New Year? Same sentiments anyone?

Over and done. 

& speaking of Mid Autumn, will be going back to HWS this coming Saturday. Not for the nothing new performance of course (with Guzheng being the exception because Yanhan would be performing that night), but rather for the catchingups with people whom I have not caught for long. :D 
If only everyone could spare some time for the night. ):

And guess what? The thought of later's evening class kills my mood, like totally, leaving me leaving you with this entry.

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